What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
