remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
