Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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