I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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