I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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