drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
