I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
