I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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