I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
