I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
