i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
