i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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