plz talk dirty to me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
