what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
