I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
