do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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