There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
