I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
