Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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