we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
