do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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