Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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