so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
