I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize