She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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