I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My bed smells like the plague
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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