This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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