Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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