Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
