I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
