It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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