i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
