Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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