we have officially lost it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
