I am puke
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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