I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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