Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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