I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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