if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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