Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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