Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
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I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.