Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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