cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
