It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
