Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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