My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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