so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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