thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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