She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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