Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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