how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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