Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
