My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
