i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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