I think my fart just growled at me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
