just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found a bag of teeth...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
