How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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