And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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