I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
