sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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