do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
