i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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