I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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