i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
