Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
