Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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