we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
