I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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