I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
