If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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