shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
